I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
