I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
