I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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