i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize