It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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