wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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