I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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