walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
