NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
