I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
