She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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