her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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