Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
