He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
