Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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