they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
