I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Alive.
So much puke
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
