What did we do last night that was yellow?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
