Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
