when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
