OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
