those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
