It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me i tasted like america
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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