I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
