her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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