never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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