I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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