Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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