so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
