yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
