White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
