I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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