nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
