Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
