i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
