She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
