Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
