sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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