I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
