Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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