My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
