Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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