I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
