the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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