I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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