dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
