It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
