But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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