the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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