I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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