he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
