Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
