A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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