GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
