there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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