a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
