Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
