How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
