Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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