she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
