you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
