I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She bit a glass in half.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
