you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize