what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
